I've been following the discussion, but I'm really confused. I'm not into f/f at all, but still see lots of f/f squee and picspams every day from friends. And I'm not seeing women who are into f/f being "violently shoved out of fandom and having our preferences constantly attacked and our presence in a space obsessed with M/M sex questioned is being selfish," either.

To me, the whole thing seems to boil down to the OP being angry about a lack of f/f in her fannish spaces? Maybe it's time to find some new fannish friends, or a new fannish hangout?