And Then We Turn Around To Find Out That *We* Were The Assholes

[morgandawn]

7 Reasons The 21st Century Is Making You Miserable

"Let's say, as a huge DragonForce fan, you can go find their forum and meet a dozen people just like you. Or even better, start a private room with your favorite few and lock everybody else out. Say goodbye to the tedious, awkward, painful process of dealing with somebody who's truly different. That's another Old World inconvenience..... The problem is that peacefully dealing with incompatible people is crucial to living in a society. In fact, if you think about it, peacefully dealing with people you can't stand is society. Just people with opposite tastes and conflicting personalities sharing space and cooperating, often through gritted teeth.

Fifty years ago, you had to sit in a crowded room to see a movie. You didn't get to choose; you either did that or you missed the movie. When you got a new car, everyone on the block came and stood in your yard to look it over. You can bet that some of those people were assholes."

This fits into what I've been thinking for a while: the online experience allows you to create a customized cocoon giving you what you want, when you want, now. And when we bump into people who...who... Think Differently! we find ourselves awash in a sea of hurt and and betrayal and outrage.

"There's one advantage to having mostly online friends, and it's one that nobody ever talks about: They demand less from you.

Sure, you emotionally support them, comfort them after a breakup, maybe even talk them out of a suicide. But knowing someone in meatspace adds a whole, long list of annoying demands. Wasting your whole afternoon helping them fix their computer. Going to funerals with them. Toting them around in your car every day after theirs gets repossessed by the bank. Having them show up unannounced when you were just settling in to watch the Dirty Jobs marathon on the Discovery channel, then mentioning how hungry they are until you finally give them half your sandwich. You have so much more control in Instant Messenger, or on a forum, or in World of Warcraft."

So the next time you see someone railing about someone being wrong on the Internet, just remember that It's OK To Be Different. And it's OK to allow other people to be different, annoying and asshole-ish too. In fact, it's necessary.

PS. This is not an invite for the rest of you to show up at my door. Unless you come bearing cookies.

Link courtesy Izhi.

 

Comments

[solo]

I was the person who preferred missing the movie to accommodating the assholes. So I don't really see why, now that I have the option to customize my social experience according to my needs, I shouldn't take full advantage of it. :-)

And IMO it's totally okay to be different and think differently - different is interesting, and challenging, and thought-provoking, and I love it when I come across it (and I do, on my flist and on twitter and in lots of other online spaces). But asshole-ish? I've never put up with that, even before the internet, and I won't now. I don't need friends that badly.

I'd love to show up at your door. :D

[(Anonymous)]

Thank you, thank you, thank you for this post.

I had increasingly been coming to the conclusion over the past few weeks that for my own peace of mind, I would abandon lj (I first read your post there; I don't have a dw account) because of what I perceived as political aggressiveness and double-standards in the fannish journals I read there.

Thank you for reminding me that there is a core of reasonableness in all of us, and sometimes we just have to be reminded of it, for our own sakes.

What I'm talking about, for example, is the double-standards that hand-waves, or allows to pass unspoken, calling a white politician's daughters whores; but if the same happened to a black politican's daughters, would be quick to yell 'racefail' (at the very least).

Or to embrace, for example, soccer, solely because the rest of the world plays it and it's a handy political stick to beat the opposition with. While conversely, the other side labels football as anti-American.

I am not trying to make any political point here; just to say let's step back and let one another breathe. Everything doesn't have to be draped in drama or even high significance and people are almost always better and nicer than we're inclined to give them credit for. In any case, the only people we're making miserable by constant carping is ourselves.

Sorry for the rant. And thank you once again for this reminder.

[(Anonymous)]

Just realised I'm probably 'the rest of you'... sorry!

[morgandawn]

To which all I can add is: "Here, have a cookie."

[klia]

the online experience allows you to create a customized cocoon giving you what you want, when you want, now. And when we bump into people who...who... Think Differently! we find ourselves awash in a sea of hurt and and betrayal and outrage.

Yeah, I've been seeing that for several years. What's disturbing to me is the number of people who've apparently NEVER had to deal with anyone who thinks differently, so whenever they encounter anyone who doesn't share their outlook/opinion/whatever, they're in full-on attack mode right out of the gate.

Also? I learned long ago that loving the same show/movie doesn't necessarily mean you have anything else in common with others who love them, as is kind of the assumption.